It’s wedding season! More couples are married in these summer months than at any other time in the year. But recent research has revealed that more than half of couples don’t have sex on their wedding night*. This is understandable, given the stress and pressure of the day! It is hardly surprising that many couples seem to succumb to anxiety. Luckily, We-Vibe’s relationship expert Dr. Becky Spelman has some tips for newlyweds on their wedding night.
Stress is a definite mood-killer. Brides in particular might find it hard to switch off after all the excitement.
‘Stress has a very negative effect on libido,’ explains Dr. Becky. ‘If you aren’t calm, you won’t be able to enjoy yourself and let go completely.’
The pressure to ‘perform’ can also make it hard for both bride and groom to relax. ‘There’s extra pressure on both the bride and groom in the bedroom on their wedding night. Try to just relax and go with the flow.’
Start with some physical intimacy to decompress before jumping to the main event. ‘Requesting a massage off your new husband can help ease any tension you are carrying from the stress of the day.’
Live in the moment
Overthinking the ‘wedding night’ can add to your nerves. Don’t let anticipation get to you; just view it as special quality time with your new husband.
‘Try not to overthink how the night should be going and just focus on the present and spending quality time together after all the chaos of the day,’ advises Dr. Becky. ‘The same goes for the groom: just relax and slow things down. Run a nice warm bubble bath and relax together rather than rushing into sex.’
Slow down sex
This last tip is especially important, as rushing into wedding night sex can spoil the moment. Take it slow and savour the moment to make it more memorable.
‘There are specific techniques for both the bride and groom to slow down sex,’ says Dr. Becky.
For the groom: ‘Spend 15 minutes stroking her clitoris with one finger, very gently in exactly the same spot.
And the bride: ‘Return the pleasure by flicking the groom’s frenulum (where the shaft of the penis meets the head of the penis) with your finger.’
These slow techniques will build anticipation and arousal in both parties, and may even produce orgasm.
Practice mindful sex
Feeling stressed is a real barrier to reaching orgasm. For women, an orgasm is complex; it’s connected to how we feel about our partner and ourselves. We like and sometimes need to ‘feel safe.’
Practicing mindful sex can help you relax into a pleasurable orgasm. So how can you practice mindful sex?
‘Start by focusing on your breathing rather than on your thoughts,’ advises Dr. Becky. ‘Every time your mind drifts away, bring your focus back to your breathing or anything that is happening in the present moment and the feelings of pleasure. This will help you relax, enjoy the moment and achieve orgasm.’